Notes from the Edge: Hiking with Lupus and RA

I still love to go hard.
That part of me hasn’t gone anywhere.
It’s still there, fueled by the rush, the challenge, the burn.
It feels like me, like a core piece of who I am.
But these days, I carry that fire a little differently.

One reckless moment.
Chasing that dopamine hit.
It can burn everything down if I’m not careful.
Thinking just one more push will make me feel alive,
but that can cost me weeks of recovery.

One trail too far,
and suddenly, I’m crawling back into survival mode.
My body screaming for the rest I refused to give it.

So now, I pause more.
I’ve learned to slow down.
To listen. To calibrate.
I leave room to stop without guilt, without shame.
Because every future trail, every next step,
depends on the choices I make right now.

I see that pushing beyond the limit isn’t strength,
it’s a gamble.
One I’m no longer willing to take.
I’m not here for one perfect push,
one fleeting moment of triumph.
I’m here for the long roll forward,
the steady progression that lets me keep moving -
without burning out, without losing myself in the process.

The fire’s still there,
but I’m learning how to let it burn
without letting it consume me.

→ Explore more Slow Wisdom
→ Related: Rituals for Tired Bodies

Keep momentum:

Do a 2–5 min ritual — quick reset for low-capacity moments.

Build capacity — sleep, basics, and minimums that matter.

Reflect for a minute — short reads with a long tail of calm.

*Peer reflection, not therapy advice. Your healing journey is uniquely yours.*